I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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