If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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