a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
