hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
