we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
