Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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