im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
