dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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