I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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