Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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