why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I have aggressive nipples.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
