he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
