Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
