Where is the hickey?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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