Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
