She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
