I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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