he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
