Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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