you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
