All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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