its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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