So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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