how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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