I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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