I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
