I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
