i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
