i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
