Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
