Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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