well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
