cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
