Jerry, you need to find god
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
