I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
bring money and cleavage
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You're like the curious george of whores
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
