you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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