After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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