I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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