I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This house was built for laser tag.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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