you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Bang-toberfest begins!!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
