how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
