I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
