Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
