a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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