You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
