your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
