Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
