dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
