the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Randomize
