Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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