I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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